Yes I have checked the plugs are plugged in

We need some kind of secret password to share among the world’s technically literate. I’ve just spent 40 minutes trying to arrange an exchange on a faulty piece of hardware… of which 30 minutes were your basic ‘have you checked the plugs are all in tightly?’. Yes mate, I have.

I’m not ringing you up for a friendly chat; I’m only ringing you up because I have to. So when I said – in the first sentence after you answered the phone – that I needed to arrange an exchange, that was because I needed to arrange an exchange. A conclusion you eventually shared with me after 35 minutes, on an 0870 number too. (So not only is it wasted time for me, it’s profit for you, at my expense. Thanks.)